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The question I posed to him is a common dilemma in the dating world: When’s the right time to sleep with someone you’re dating?I appreciate how this conversation ended in a when it comes to dating and sex.For some reason, the modern sitcom seems to be the only venue that openly addresses the dark awkwardness of a dating partner’s sexual past.Television can make such a history into a lot of things — meaningless, devastating, even humorous.The one who has his or her own sexual history faces their own challenges.The twin emotions of judged when you feel the weight of your partner’s regret and struggle to process what their sins mean for you.
"Especially among older people who went through the sexual revolution, with maturity they realize there are emotional consequences for getting involved in a sexual relationship," says Allen, author of Celebrating Single and Getting Love Right: From Stalemate to Soulmate.
If you are thinking about when to have sex, keep in mind: Having sex can raise the intensity of emotions that people feel for each other — whether you’re in a serious or casual relationship.
At times, this elevation is a good and enjoyable thing, but sometimes it makes a difficult situation worse.
Here are six truths to help still your heart, quiet the lies, and proceed with compassionate caution and wisdom in a relationship with someone who has a sexual history. Whether you measure up to anyone else or not, if you buy into the lie that love should be quantified, you destroy real intimacy.
When you measure your lovability by trying to quantify your sexuality, you diminish your humanity.